by stageIf I’m honest, doubt has always been part of my faith story. I wish I could say that I’ve always felt rock-solid confident in God’s presence, His goodness, and His plans for my life, but that simply wouldn’t be true. Even as I wrote The Seed of Adam and the Egg of Lillith, I found myself wrestling with hard questions that didn’t have neat answers.
For a long time, I thought doubt was something shameful. I believed if I was truly faithful, I wouldn’t question or hesitate. But over the years, I’ve come to see that doubt can actually become holy ground, a place where God meets us in the raw and tender parts of our hearts.
When Faith Collides with Reality
There have been seasons in my life when God felt distant. Prayers seemed to bounce back from the ceiling. Tragedy or disappointment left me wondering why a loving God would let certain things happen. Even watching the suffering in our world made me question if the story of redemption was real or just something we tell ourselves to cope.
In those moments, I didn’t walk away from my faith, but I did find myself tiptoeing around my doubts, hoping they’d simply fade. The truth is they rarely do. Questions have a way of lingering until we bring them out into the light.
While writing my book, I couldn’t help but pour some of these struggles into the pages. The characters wrestle with their own sense of purpose, the weight of their decisions, and the terrifying idea that maybe God isn’t as close as they hoped. Adam, in particular, is haunted by the question of whether the Creator still sees him or if he’s been left alone in the consequences of his own failures.
What If God Is Still There?
There’s a turning point, not just in the story but in my own journey, where I began to wonder if the silence of God doesn’t mean absence at all. Maybe God is still near even when I can’t sense Him. Maybe the doubt isn’t proof of a weak faith, but an invitation to seek Him more deeply.
One quiet morning, feeling particularly worn out by my questions, I sat with my Bible open and simply told God how uncertain I was. I admitted that I was struggling to trust Him, that I didn’t understand why certain prayers seem unanswered. Instead of being met with condemnation, I felt an unexpected peace settle over me. It was as if God was saying, I can handle your doubts. Just keep bringing them to Me.
That moment didn’t erase my questions, but it did remind me that faith isn’t about never doubting. It’s about choosing to come closer to God even when your heart feels tangled up in uncertainty.
Doubt Can Deepen Our Faith
What I’ve learned is that wrestling with doubt can actually grow a more genuine faith. When everything is going well and all our beliefs feel secure, it’s easy to coast along on autopilot. But when hard questions force us to dig deeper, we often discover truths that run far below the surface.
In my life, seasons of doubt have driven me back to Scripture with fresh eyes. They’ve led me to more honest prayers and a more humble heart. I’ve had to let go of some shallow ideas about who God is, and in doing so, I’ve begun to know Him more truly.
The Bible is full of people who doubted, questioned, even argued with God. From Job to David to Thomas, we see examples of faithful people who struggled to reconcile what they believed with what they saw around them. Yet God met them in those places and didn’t turn them away. That gives me so much comfort.
Finding God Even in Uncertainty
I don’t believe God expects us to shut off our brains or ignore the realities that make faith hard. I think He invites us to bring all of it to Him. Our fears, our confusion, our frustrations, and yes, even our doubts.
Through writing The Seed of Adam and the Egg of Lillith, I wanted to explore how our human frailty can actually lead us closer to God. When we admit that we don’t have it all figured out, we create space for Him to show us who He truly is.
Today, I still have questions. I still experience moments when God feels quiet or when the weight of a broken world makes me wonder how it all fits into His plan. But I’ve learned that doubt doesn’t have to drive me away. It can actually draw me closer, prompting deeper conversations with the One who knows all my thoughts anyway.
Read the Book and Explore Your Own Questions
If you’ve ever found yourself struggling with doubt, wondering where God is in the middle of your questions, I hope you’ll see that you’re not alone. My story, and the story in The Seed of Adam and the Egg of Lillith, is proof that even in our uncertainty, God is still at work. Read the book and let it lead you into your own honest reflections. You might just discover that God is nearer than you ever imagined, ready to meet you right in the heart of your doubts.
